• Daniel Bowman PhD

5 Principles to Bring out the Best in Others

You were created for a purpose. My purpose is to bring out the best in others, to help people flourish. I do everything I can to bring out the best in the athletes, executives, and weight loss clients I coach. My training in psychology taught me a lot about bringing out the best in others, and my dad was an excellent football coach, who coached me in high school. I also learned about getting the best out of others from college coaches and a lot of great teachers. But the thing that taught me the most is an absolute dediction to helping others become their best. Years of experience have taught me what works, and I want to share five principles of helping people fourish, so you can get the best out of your employees or your children or the people you care the most about.

1.) Show people you care. 2.) Be present. 3.) Be honest. 4.) Let others know you believe in them. 5.) Don't be negative towards others.

It has often been said that everyone wants to be loved and cared about. We are simply born this way. A child is helpless and needs love and care to survive. The need to be cared about and cared for is fundamental.

There are a lot of ways to show people you care, including thank you cards, checking in on them when they are struggling, asking them how they are doing, and doing things for them. Whether you're being an executive or a parent, make it a point to show people that you care about them.

Another way of showing you care about people is to be present with them. Being present with another means making eye contact, listening without judgement, sensing how they are feeling, noticing what occupies their mind, and placing a little higher priority on what they have to say and need than on what you have to say and need. Learning to be more mindful will allow you to be more present with others and to have a greater impact on their lives.

Part of being truly present with others is to be honest and authentic. Some people will get very angry and defensive when you're honest, even if you have tried hard to be nonjudgemental and to listen to them. Being honest doesn't mean you're right. I have had honest talks with employees who I thought were doing something wrong and by listening learned that I was the one who was doing something wrong. But in order to motivate others to be their best, you have to be honest, and if you truly believe they are limiting themselves, you have to let them know. You paint a vision of who they can be, and I like to bring some intensity when people are not pushing themselves to their limits. "Come on! You got a lot more in you! Let's go!!!"

We all limit ourselves. If you, or your employee, or your child work hard, get help from others (including the internet and books), and learn from your mistakes, there aren't many things you or they can't do. God is limitless, and God's power is available to any who seek it. Letting people know you believe in them empowers them. According to Mike Krychevsky (possibly the greatest living basketball coach), the four most important words you can tell a person are "I believe in you." The people who truly believed in me and let me know they did are the people who had the greatest impact on my life. When you believe in people, let them know.

Dale Carnegie wrote the most important book on influencing people. His principles were simple: call people by their names, listen to people, and above all else don't be negative toward others. While there is a time to be honest and possibly negative, research from several psychologist suggest it takes about 5 positive comments, acts, or nonverbal expressions, to overcome a single negative comment, act, or nonverbal expression. Is that negative comment really worth jeopardizing a relationship? Sometimes it is, but negativity creates a desire for the other person to avoid you, even if you love them dearly. Don't address problems with others when you are in a bad mood. Be calm and present when discussing important things, and build up all the good feelings you can in a person, so if you ever need to say something negative they just might be able to hear you and maintain a desire to please you.